January 12, 2007
letter found 6/23/99, original date unknown:
I ask myself, "Where is she right this second?"
I tell myself, "She is on her bed. It is dark. She's asleep."
I ask myself, "Which side of the bed, left or right?"
I answer, "Hmmm. Good question."
I think, "I can imagine her breathing."
I ask myself, "If I were there would she be facing me or would I be holding her?"
I tell myself, "It doesn't matter, at least you would be there."
I ask myself, "Why do you torture yourself this way?"
I tell myself, "It's like a wave crashing over an ant. The ant has no say in the matter."
I think to myself, "The cat is there. The cat is on the bed. She is not alone, she is with the cat."
I ask myself, "Why do cats have all the luck?"
I think, "Damn cat."
I say out loud, "I hate cats."